(…And the thing you’re going to read about toilet paper? I promise, I really don’t use more than the average human being. I think.)
The “Hubby List” happened when Michael and I sat down recently with one of our favorite dinners: pasta, butter, and the all-fancy processed Parmesan cheese you can buy from the spaghetti aisle and it doesn’t need to be refrigerated before you open it. (Sometimes I get really sophisticated and add bread crumbs to the butter mixture, because clearly pasta needs more bread. Can you ever have too much bread? My mom and I would say no.)
And then I looked over at Michael.
He was warm and cozy with a blanket (we like to eat on the couch with about ten blankets each), Love It or List It was on and I was pretty sure they were going to “love it” (my favorite outcome…who ever feels satisfied when they list it), and I had extra cheese in my bowl and life was just – good.
And so I snuggled in and asked Michael between bites of buttered noodles what are the biggest or most surprising things he’s learned about being married for a little over a year and a half now.
He thought for a minute and gave me some answers. And then a gigantic-sized neon pink light bulb lit up over my head. Because clearly I had a brilliant idea!
And so then I squealed a little. And maybe spilled some noodles.
And I said, “OH WOW, HUBBY! This would be a good blog! YOU can help me write A BLOG POST!!”
And then Michael’s eyes got big and he paused his chewing.
And so then I came down a notch or fifty in excitement and also assured him he wouldn’t actually have to write.
Maybe he could just jot down a list of things he’s learned about being a husband in our humble year and a half experience.
And so then he smiled and said “Sure.”
So without further ado, Michael’s list: “What I’ve Learned as a Newlywed Husband”: (p.s. – you’ll notice Michael can say in like 10 words what takes me 300 words. But it’s totally cool. Can I get a “what what,” fellow female talkers of the world?!….No? …Bueller? …Bueller?)
What I’ve Learned as a Newlywed Husband
- Get her a cat. Don’t ask questions — just do it. (Well… maybe that’s just my wife.)
- When you buy said cat, make sure she cleans the litter box like she promised. Oh, wait…
- You will probably go through toilet paper at an exponential rate.
- You will have more baking supplies than you ever thought possible. Just let it all in. Good things will come from these items.
- Friday nights at home with your wife and a movie will probably become one of your favorite times.
- Do guy stuff with your guy friends. There is something healing about hearing things go boom.
- The more you lead her, the more she’ll follow. It’s an amazing gift how God designed it this way.
- Success at home is way more important than success anywhere else. If you are succeeding at work but failing at home, it is time for a long look in the mirror.
- Your growth in The Lord and your growth as a husband will be one of the most important aspects of your marriage.
- Don’t hide from arguments and conflict. More often than not, you both needed to shed those layers that were so uncomfortably ripped away.
- Your wife is a princess of the King. Treat her that way every day, and it will amaze you how she flourishes.
- Your marriage will be the catalyst for the best and hardest things you will ever experience, but it is the best adventure God ever created.
He’s great. I love the man.
And so now I figure, with Michael’s super mature and helpful advice to newlywed hubbys, maybe I should jot down some things I’ve learned, too.
Hear this: I. AM. NOT. PERFECT at always applying what I’ve learned about being a God-honoring and husband-honoring wife, but the lessons I’ve learned are worth mentioning because perhaps they will be helpful to you as they are to me on my good days when God helps me remember:
What I’ve Learned As a Newlywed Wife
Unconditional respect is to my husband as unconditional love is to me. Clearly, we both need both from each other, but I’ve learned there are few things that build Michael up like when I believe in him and tell him I do.
Just because he’s not doing things my way doesn’t mean he’s doing them wrong. We’re different people, so we’ll approach some things differently. Like loading the dishwasher. And emotions. And loud chewing noises.
It means a lot to him when I recognize all the things he does for me, like make the bed. And it really means a lot when I turn around and do those things for him in return.
Tell your hubby EXACTLY what you mean. Chances are, he will not pick up on the 3 million emotions in your head and then correctly translate them. Trust me. And on that note…
He WANTS you to tell him what you mean! Because your husband wants you to feel loved! So if an extra hug or nice note would mean a lot to you, tell him! Otherwise he might not know. That sets him up for success, rather than confusion and frustration.
Pray with your husband. There is literally nothing more intimate. You’ll love it.
Believe him when he says you look beautiful.
When he hurts your feelings, always give him the benefit of the doubt: He didn’t mean to to hurt you. He loves you! Yes, he did hurt your feelings, and yes, you do need to talk it out, but approach the problem with a healthy and trusting perspective.
Now, if someone would like to volunteer to remind me about these things daily, that would be awesome. (Kidding, but, really.)
God’s Peace and Love to you,